Monday, October 11, 2010

Uncomfortable truths

Oh, how I love my husband!  He's incredibly wonderful and incredibly amazing.  A hard-worker (sometimes too hard of a worker!), a good provider. and terrifically blunt when it's needed.  We had a conversation the other day.  I was complaining about my need for a new winter coat and how I really don't want to buy one because I don't like the size I'm going to have to buy.  His response?  "You're sounding like your mother."  Did you ever have one of those teachers in high school who came up and slammed the top of your desk with his open hand because you'd fallen asleep?  It's the same exact effect!  Seriously.  You see, for as long as I can remember, my mom has been over-weight.  I have no problem with that.  But her response to being over-weight is to not buy herself new clothes because she wants to lose weight first.  Or, if she does buy new clothes, she buys them a size or two smaller than what would be comfortable and squeezes into them anyway.  I love my mom.  I really do.  But, squeezing an over-weight body into smaller-sized Disney sweatshirts and jeans is just plain painful and unattractive.  Personally, I can't stand wearing clothing that cuts into me or fits uncomfortably.  So I've been good about buying the right size of clothing.  I just don't want to spend much on myself.  I suspect that would be true no matter what size I am though.  Anyway, back to the point.  My husband's words echoed something I'd read earlier in the week.  Jen, from Prior Fat Girl, wrote a post about the desire to lose weight.  She basically said, you can wish for it, hope for it, pray for it, yearn for it, but if you really want it, you'll do the work for it.  All the wishing, hoping, praying, yearning will not bring you weight loss.  Hard work and determination will.  I've been busy doing all the wishing, praying, hoping, yearning, for years.  But I haven't done the work.  So, now I'm getting busy with trying to do the work.  I've been walking 2-3 miles daily for the last week.  I'm limiting my calories to 1500/day.  I'm trying to make healthier eating choices.  I'm trying to work on my whole self-perception, self-love kind of thing.  That's the hard part for me. I'm not my biggest fan.  Biggest critic, definitely.  Anyway, in my quest for self-love, I'm going to share some facts that I've become aware of in the past few days.  I need to embrace my faults, just as much as my strengths!

1.  I AM starting to sound like my mother.  Must stop that now!
2. I've spent far too long making excuses for my lack of activity.  Excuses need to end now!
3. If I want to be healthier, I must sacrifice and work hard.  That's just reality.
4. I'm teaching my children an unhealthy way of life too.  Definitely not something I want them to learn!
5. It's incredibly easy to be your own biggest critic.  Not so easy to be your own biggest fan.  But if you're not a fan of yourself, then who else is going to be?
6. It is not pretty when I sweat.  But it's not supposed to be and who cares that it's not anyway?
7. There are always going to be excuses for not exercising.  But the reasons for it far outweigh the excuses.
8. Adding in exercise with diabetes is a HUGE pain!  It results in major insulin reactions all day long, all night long.  I need to suck it up and do it anyway.
9. My children deserve much better than I'm giving them right now.
10. The most uncomfortable truth...I'm worth the effort.

To finish that all off, I'm going to be brave and share a photo of me after my workout today, sweat and all.  I'll warn you, I'm not kidding or exaggerating when I say it's not pretty!

Reyna, it's going to be a very long time before I sport a bikini....maybe in my next life!  For now, I think I'll just be happy with being healthier and more active.

On a happier note....I absolutely ADORE my backyard at this time of year and thought I'd share some pictures with all of you, just because it's so incredibly gorgeous.  The kids and I are spending every spare minute we can out there on the swing set and playing with chalk on the cement while the warm weather lasts.  It'll be cold again before we know it!

Beautiful, isn't it?  I love autumn for this reason alone!  All the beautiful colors in the trees!


  1. You are beautiful. I don't know your weight, or your goal weight, but I hope you remember that you're not alone. My husband has similar frustrations about d mgmnt and exercise, he however is one of those that seems to have the metabolism of a bird and just eats whatever. But still the lowest lows and highest highs I've seen for him have been due to exercise. When we went to an ADA family camp this last fall he met a few other adults with diabetes who meet monthly to talk about d mgmnt and various topics. They're great people and a lot of them are very active. Maybe there is something similar in your area or online for you.
    Keep it up and all the hard work and honestly will pay off, making you able to see how beautiful you really are.

  2. HOORAY for CINDY!!! First off you are beautiful. Secondly, I won't make you wear a bikini - LOL.

    Well, I don't think I have ever shared this on my blog, but I used to be about 30 pounds heavier than I am now. I started watching what I ate, made healthier choices, and worked out. I am pretty comfortable with where I am now - hell, I show my abs on my blog - hehe. But, I have so been been at the point where I am beginning the journey and working on making the time and putting the energy into "me". You are so worth every ounce of energy and planning you put into you Cindy. Keep up the amazing work. I am so proud of you and you my friend should give yourself a big pat on the back.

  3. OH, how I wish I could play in those leaves. I have no leaves here. I love your backyard.

    And here's my uncomfortable truth...

    I need to lose 50 lbs. And I joined Weight Watchers online. You are not alone -- oh, how I wish I could meet you at the gym to encourage each other.

    I can't blog about it. I have mean neighbors...who have a history of saying mean things about each other on their blogs and I know they'll get this little tidbit of information and just thrive knowing that I've been struggling since my celiac dx last year.

    The first step towards a healthier ME was breaking lose of those relationships. I don't need to be friends with people who take my acts of kindness and tear them apart.

    The next step was acknowledging it.

    I tried to convince myself it wasn't as bad as it is. It took me a few months to actually admit that I need to lose FIFTY pounds. (That's, like, HALF of 100).

    Then I started going to the gym.

    And I joined WW.

    And here I am.

    Hanging by a thread, 1 pound less than the lightest weight I've seen in 8 months. 7 pounds down from that first weigh in.

    So, wait....that's 42 to go.

    I'm right here alongside you, my friend.

    PS -- Are you on FB? If you are FIND ME! I can talk about it there!!!!!

  4. Sorry, lass, tried to leave you a comment yesterday, but blogspot let me down.
    I wanted to say that I read your blog because you are witty, caring, sometimes LOL funny, brutally honest and a very interesting woman. Anybody can go on a diet. But being lovely as you are is something not many can achieve.
    I was never happy with the way I look. Never will be. So I totally LOVE how you mustered the bravery to post that picture- sorry to inform you that you look every bit the gorgeous woman you are!!