Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Truth, in black and white...

I've been debating about doing this post.  I keep going back and forth and procrastinating.  I feel like if I keep going on about what I want to talk about in this post that people will think I'm being preachy.  I don't want to preach on things or to keep going on about the same things all the time.  I've seen people popping on now and then and leaving comments every so often.  I appreciate all of the comments so much!  I read each and every one and they mean so much to me.  I just hope I'm not losing people or running people off by writing some of what I write!

Before I start tonight, I just want to say...Wendy, I'm so incredibly proud of you!  The fact that you're not compromising on your time out for exercise is a huge, huge thing!  Even just a few minutes of exercise can make a huge difference!

Okay...the truth!  I honestly don't quite know where to start on this one, so if it rambles a bit, I hope you'll forgive me.  This touches on several things and I need to bring them all together in order to make it all make sense.  Bear with me, please.  I promise, it will all be worth it in the end.....

My husband and I started dating more than 10 years ago.  From the moment I saw him, I was ready to throw myself into our relationship, whole-heartedly.  We dated for a year before moving in together.  From the moment we started co-habitating, I did it all.  I cooked, I cleaned, I did every little thing I could to make him happy.  Except for one.  I didn't take proper care of myself.  I never worked out.  I took care of my diabetes in a half-assed manner, but never really took it to the degree that I should have.  I ate without thinking and without consideration of what was healthy for me.  But I did everything I could for him.  I gave and gave and gave.  Six years after we first went on a date, we were married.  A year later, we had a baby.  A year and a half after that, we had another baby.  Through it all, I gave and gave and gave.  But I never did the one thing that I should have done for him....taken care of my own health.

Please don't get me wrong and think my husband wasn't doing the same.  But the fact is, women and men are very different.  I think it is just a woman's nature to give and give and give.  I know I'm not the only mom who does this.  Moms just keep on going and going until they hit burnout.  The reality is, I think moms have lots of mini-burnouts along the way.  Moments when we're tired and worn down and we just want to cry.  We hit those points a lot sometimes, don't we?  I think maybe men are better at recognizing when they're nearing emotional burnout, when they are getting close to having nothing more to give.  My husband was good about asking for breaks when he needed them.  He'd go out with a friend for a beer, go to the gym for a workout, go look at books at the bookstore.  Anything that sounded good and relaxing to him.  When I asked for a break, I spent the time doing dishes or laundry or going to the grocery store.  Not at all the same thing.  I never once asked him to watch the kids while I went to the gym by myself.  In fact, I used him as an excuse for not going to the gym.  I didn't want to ask him to watch the kids because he works hard all day and I didn't think he'd want to watch the kids.  I thought he'd resent watching the kids for me while I went to the gym.

The truth...I underestimated my husband.  I did him a huge disservice by assuming that he would resent watching the kids so I could do something for my health.  The truth....because I failed to take care of myself, little kernels of resentment built in my marriage, inside my husband.  He resented the fact that he felt guilty for taking care of himself, for doing anything for himself, because I never did anything for me.  I never asked for the support so I could do something for me.  This whole 30-day challenge's been fantastic for my husband too!  He's gotten to spend more time alone with the kids, establishing more of a parent, authority-image in their eyes.  He's gotten to play and bond with them.  And he's enjoyed that opportunity!  He's been inspired by my challenge.  He's gotten to see his wife in a new light.  He'd given up on the idea of me ever taking proper care of myself.  How sad is that statement?  And now, he has pride in me for what I've done, for what I've accomplished and for what I'm now capable of doing.  He's proud of me for the mother I am to our children and he's always been proud of me for that.  But now he can be proud of me for the person that I am too.  And that is an incredible thing for our relationship!

Okay, now onto a quick summary of my 30-day challenge.  At the beginning, just walking a couple of miles at a moderate pace just about did me in!  The first few days, I walked two miles.  Then I started doing three miles while pushing the kids in the stroller.  Then three miles with steep inclines while pushing the stroller.  Baby steps.  It was never more than baby steps.  I pushed just a little bit each and every single day.  And on that 30th day, I was able to do an hour and ten minutes straight on the elliptical!  At the beginning, 10 minutes was more than enough on that particular piece of torture!  At the beginning, if you saw my shadow in profile, it looked like I had three sets of boobs...the one set with two large rolls underneath.  I still have those rolls, but at least they're not looking so much like extra cleavage now!  I've got a booty now!  Not just two lumpy, blubbery, cottage-cheese consistency mounds of flesh that droop down into my thighs.  Nope, now I have muscle in that area and there's an actual definition between where my butt ends and my thighs begin!  I have muscles in my legs, calves, arms, back, everywhere!  And it feels great!  I'm no longer dwelling as much on the parts of my body that I don't like.  Instead, I'm marveling at all that has changed in this short amount of time.  I'm marveling at what my body is capable of doing.  I did bring the scale out of hiding.  Turns out I lost 8 lbs in that 30-day time period.  I'm more than happy with that.  Especially when I consider that the 8 lbs lost was all fat and that it doesn't include the number of fat lbs that have been converted to muscle.  It's an amazing feeling to take care of myself!

Okay, one quick reminder....mail exchange deadline is coming up on Friday!  Right now, I only have one person who's sent in their information for it.  If you want to sign up your children, diabetic or not, send me their names and ages to!

Off to check Lily again and then head to bed.  Nighttime blood sugars are depriving us both of sleep lately!  I think she must be hitting another growth spurt....


  1. Thanks for the shout out, my friend! I am so proud of YOU!!!! We're on a roll, my friend :)

    I didn't know about the next mail exchange. I feel like I'm so many blogs to read!!!!

  2. sorry I haven't been posting as has been hectic here, and well...I think that I've been trying to pay attention to my husband more and my computer less at night.
    We're tight on money these next month with five birthdays, one anniversary and a holiday to host all in November!
    I think it's impressive that you're doing all this exercise and able to be honest with us all about so many aspects. I appreciate it. Actually you've even made me see that I may be able to go back to the Y and trust their staff...maybe!!
    Enjoy your week.

  3. WOOT WOOT!!! Cindy you inspire me daily with all that you say and do. I am always a "return reader" over here. Something about your blog is like a journal entry or something. I love personal...and yet we can all chime in!

    My sister wanted to know if you are still making hats for money? If so, may I give her your email address. She loved the one I have been wearing in all my profile pix (LOL) and then she went to your blog to scope you out and loved the one Lily was wearing.

    Let me know.