I have Type I Diabetes. I've been diabetic for decades. But this isn't about me. My beautiful, perfect, little girl was diagnosed with diabetes as well. At the incredibly young age of 27-months. It was incredibly heartbreaking, but that's another story for another day. Tonight, the story is about the awfulness of bedtime lows. I go in to test her blood sugar every night before I can go to sleep. More often than not, her blood sugar runs high. I'm okay with it being a bit high at night. It's a comfort to me because then I know she won't be hitting rock-bottom in the middle of the night. Her tiny little body is constantly going through major changes and her blood sugars often make me feel like we're on a neverending roller coaster ride. I hate, hate, hate the nights when her blood sugars are low when I test them at my bedtime. It means I have to wake her up from her peaceful slumber to get her to drink a bit of orange juice. All it takes to bring her blood sugars up is a little bit, but it's still a break in her sleep. And then I play the waiting game. I'm waiting right now. Fifteen minutes seems like a long time when you're waiting to retest your toddler's blood sugar. And if it hasn't come up enough, there's more juice, more waiting, and another finger-poke to do. It's all followed by a very restless night for us both. Her sleep has been disturbed. My sleep will be disturbed. I'll spend the night waking up, off and on, imagining every creak of the floor, every sigh, every little noise is her, questioning if she's low again or if her little body has kicked in and used her stored resources to send her blood sugar soaring among the stars. Oh, the life of a mom with a diabetic child! It's one of constant worries, constant second-guessing, questioning if you're doing a good enough job, and trying to repress that little part of you that wants to panic and think about all the scary possibilities life with diabetes has in store for your child and you.
The wait time is over. Off to poke another tiny little finger and hope for the best!
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