Pure honesty here....I'm not entirely sure why any of you bother to read any of what I write! Really, I don't think I'm that interesting of a person and I'm pretty sure I'm not saying anything profound. But I appreciate all of you reading and leaving me such encouraging and positive comments! You can't imagine how much your comments mean to me!
A quick warning.....this post isn't going to be pretty. In fact, I think if people take what I have to say tonight in a certain way, they could be down-right offended. Please understand that I'm not meaning to offend anyone, but I do wish to be brutally honest with this post tonight. I'm hoping that by sharing my own little epiphany, maybe others will have one of their own.
Here's what I want to tell you tonight: The absolute greatest injustice my mother has done to me was done by modeling for me the lifestyle that she did. I'm not blaming my mom for the lifestyle I've led. Ultimately, I know it's been my choice to live the way I have. Just as it was my choice to not be the type of parent that my parents modeled for me. My mom was a stay-home mom when I was little. Her afternoons were spent watching soap operas. Our mornings were spent watching Sesame Street. She didn't clean house much, but she did prepare a complete from-scratch dinner every night. She had a secret stash of treats for herself that we weren't allowed to eat. I remember that whenever we went to the store, we stopped at Hardee's (the ONLY fast-food in town) for lunch. For as long as I can remember, my mom has complained about her weight, held-off on buying new clothing, signed up for every fad diet that came out, worn clothing that was too small and too tight and uncomfortable just to avoid going up a size. But never, not once, did she take on an exercise program. This is the lifestyle she taught my siblings and me.
Here's my epiphany: Every behavior, every habit, every attitude we display is something we are modeling for our children. Our children look to us to know how to act, how to respond, how to live. They learn how to eat, how to exercise, how to be kind or how to be rude. All from us. And here I was, teaching my children the exact same lifestyle that my mom taught me. When that realization came to me, I cried. I sobbed. I DO NOT WANT MY CHILDREN TO LIVE LIKE I HAVE BEEN! I don't want them to learn how to sit down and watch tv for hours. I don't want them to learn how to stock their cupboards with things that should be for occasional indulgences only. I don't want them to learn to eat out of boredom and stress. I don't want them to learn to sit on their rear-ends all day long without ever straining their bodies, challenging themselves, or just taking the time to treat their bodies as they should be treated.
Realizing that has changed me. That's why this is no longer about losing weight. My 30-day challenge is about creating a new habit, building a new life, being a better model for my children. The absolute worst thing I could do to my children is to teach them to live the kind of life that I've been living. Knowing that is a powerful motivator. Knowing that is making me challenge myself to create new habits, break old ones, and be a healthier person. Because when it comes down to it, I don't want to look in my child's eyes and see the unhappiness, guilt, and pain that I've seen in my own eyes.
That is as honest as it gets!