Friday, September 17, 2010

Lead foot for life

I've been off this week.  You may have noticed in my blogs.  I'm just feeling "off"....not quite myself, not quite 100%, tired and worn out and just not all there.  My husband and I were sick a few weeks back.  We both were running fevers of 100 for three weeks straight.  He's recovered and I've been feeling better, but if I over-due it or don't get enough rest, then I suffer a relapse and feel myself slipping back into it.  Oh, the joys of having a rogue immune system!

You know what it's like to have a lead foot?  You're driving along in the fast lane, zipping through traffic.  No one else is going as fast as you are and eventually, you get stuck behind someone who doesn't agree to going your speed.  It's frustrating, right?  You can't get around them and you just sit there behind them, wishing they would speed up or get out of the way.  My husband is an excellent driver.  He's never even gotten a speeding ticket.  But in life, he has a lead foot.  He is a WORK. A. HOLIC!  Not in the way you would think though.  He doesn't work more than his 40-45 hours a week.  He comes home in time for dinner.  He's great about that.  But he's a work-a-holic in the way that he never takes a break.  He gets up bright and early in the morning, goes off to work, never takes his coffee breaks, keeps himself to 30 minutes or less for lunch, comes home and drags us all off to the gym, helps cook dinner, picks up around the house, spends his weekends mowing the lawn, fixing my car, and just generally doing basic maintenance and upkeep around the house.  The man doesn't rest!  Sounds kind of nice, right?  The problem one else works as hard as he does.  To be honest with you, I'm not capable of working as hard as he does.  If the kids are fed, dressed, happy, healthy, and interacted with, I'm happy.  If there are a few toys left on the floor or the carpet hasn't been vacuumed for a day or two or there are dishes in the sink....I'm not going to worry and stress over it and send the kids off to play by themselves just so I can get it all done.  Don't get me wrong, the kids do play by themselves occasionally and I do pick up, do dishes, vacuum, whatever.  But I'm not overly stressed about making sure it all gets done when it all should be done.  My husband does.

I'm bringing this up tonight and sharing this with all of you because it's a problem for us every Friday, but more so when I'm not feeling well.  I don't get as much done when I'm feeling under-the-weather.  And Fridays are tough for my husband because he's dealt with his co-workers all week long.  Remember the work-till-you-drop mentality of my husband?  Fridays, he always comes home frustrated and angry.  He's been busy pulling his weight at work all week long.  And Friday comes around and he feels like he has not only been pulling his own weight, but pulling the weight of everyone else too.  He feels like others aren't pulling their fair share.  It's not really something you can bring up at work, is it?  You can't really come out and yell at your co-workers for their lack of motivation.  So, he comes home cranky.  And I'm completely honest with you when I say that I will never be able to work as hard as my husband does, to do as much for our family as he does.  I just can't.  I need my relaxation time.  I can't bring myself to stress over the little things.  This all makes it a little easier for my husband to direct some of his resentment towards me when he gets home on Fridays.  Today just happened to be a rough one since as soon as he got home, I crawled into bed and fell asleep.  I didn't intend to.  I was just talking to him while he changed from work to home clothes.  The kids were busy eating dinner in the dining room, just 10 feet away from our bedroom.  And I just drifted off.  My wonderful husband let me nap for a couple of hours while taking care of the kids.  He really is a great guy.  I just have to keep calling him out on his workaholic, never take a break tendencies and maybe eventually, he'll decide to try those breaks, right?


  1. Cindy, your husband sounds a lot like my husband's business partner, and my husband is more laid-back like you. I should add that my husband is a very hard worker, who puts in long hours every day. He pulls his weight at the office, but he strives for balance. His partner is all work all the time and resents it when my husband doesn't work on the weekends, when my husband takes an hour for lunch, or when my husband leaves at 6:30pm to have dinner with the family (and I wish he would come home at 5 or 5:30!). His partner is very vocal about his resentments and is always making comments about how hard he himself works. Any way... My husband vents me to all the time in the same manner that you just blogged. His partner drives him nutty at times, but you know, he wouldn't trade him for the world, because he's an excellent businessman and an overall good, honest, trustworthy guy. Just want you to know that I understand where you're coming from.

    Don't feel badly about falling asleep today. Your body needed the rest. You're not 100% right now. And I bet your husband understands.

  2. My husband is one heckuva jobber, but when the day is done -- IT IS DONE!

    ME, on the other hand, feels like the work is never done. I'll find work -- even though I know the sun will still rise, I'm obsessed with keeping busy. It's definitely a character flaw in my case. I feel like I don't know "how" to relax....or I feel guilty, as if I don't "deserve" to relax. Hard to explain.

    Blogging has been a healthy outlet for me!!! I'd rather catch up on my blogs instead of reading a book....weird, I know.

    Lucky for me, the Hubs will step in and tell me to lay down. He'll tell me to sit down to watch a movie or tell me to forget about the laundry and just be still.

    Don't feel bad about falling asleep. When you're under the weather, you need to sleep!!!!!

  3. OK, I'll confess...I think I may be a bit like your hubby. Although, I am good about blogging and keeping up on my blogs...this is like my "rest time". Telling stories about our life is "relaxing" to me. Actually, I have slowed down a bit since starting the blog and connecting with all of you.

    I am a person who usually has multiple things going at one. I like all those things to be "perfectly" executed and I think I hold the outcome of any project I undertake to a somewhat high standard. I also got from your post, that perhaps, let me know if I am mistaken...that your husband resents your "not as hard-working" personality. Please forgive me if I am wrong on that. I can say, I have definitely let into my husband for not working as hard as me around the house, with the kids, etc. I have been trying to change this about myself. I think taking it "easy" on here with all of you has helped me loosen up a bit in this department. Thank You.

    Great post btw.

  4. Yup, Reyna, you hit it on the head. He resents that I don't stress over things like he does. In fact, he's even voiced frustration with friends and relatives to me because he'll give them materials to read for computer certifications and they don't find the time to read them! He drives himself at break-neck speed and has a hard time understanding why some of us are just not that motivated!

    Gotta love him though. He's a wonderful guy, very loyal, and he gets things done! Can't beat that!

  5. Great post. We struggle with that here too. My hubby stressed and me stressed just isn't a good thing. Especially when I am under the weather. Thankfully this week I was blessed when my allergies flared up and I was just exhausted. My hubby picked up the slack and did some of my "chores" around the house. That isn't always the case unless I am bed ridden with sickness. It is a give and take but that doesn't mean it's easy. Thanks for sharing...nice to know that other couples struggle with it too.