Today was one of those days. One of the really great, blood sugars are rockin', kind of days for us. They are so incredibly rare! Our days are never in-between. When they're good, they're really fantastically good. When they're bad, they're kick-you-while-you're-down bad. Lately, we've had too many of those bad days. Lily had a 3-month visit with an endocrinologist on Friday. Wasn't our usual endocrinologist, since she's booked 4 months in advance almost all the time and apparently, there's an influx of new patients that they've had to accommodate, which makes me incredibly sad. I think from now on, we'll most likely stick with seeing a diabetes educator when her endo is busy. We didn't like this one at all! Lily is teeny, teeny tiny. She is 3 years old and weighs just under 30 lbs. She's gained 2 lbs since her visit 3 months ago. The endo said we should be concerned about weight gain. YIKES! Now, I do have to give the endo some credit. Lily's A1C was 9.8 this time. Icky. I don't like that number. THAT concerns me! So, the endo did have some reason to be concerned. But I just didn't like her approach or philosophy on the whole thing. One of the problems with blood sugars and infants/toddlers/preschoolers is that if you run their numbers too tightly, you can risk stunting their growth. With a child as small as Lily, this is definitely a concern! So, as her parents, we try to keep her A1C in the 8-9 range. That's comfortable for us and for her regular endo. This endo wants it to "ideally be under 8". In an ideal world, my daughter wouldn't be diabetic. Since this isn't an ideal world, we're going to shoot for under 9 and be happy with that!
One more thing before I head off to bed to sleep my fitful, frequently-interupted sleep...kind of touches back on that A1C number and the bad days issue. I've been letting myself get very frustrated lately when I can't get Lily's blood sugars where they should be. It's a problem. I get tense and irritable. I freak-out a little bit. It's very hard to make peace with the idea that I don't get to be in total control of all of this and that things are going to happen sometimes that I don't want to happen. I have to keep reminding myself that my main occupation is not to be the "keeper of Lily's blood sugars". It's so easy to let myself get caught up in that part of our lives since it's such a big part and we have to be in constant awareness of it. But, ultimately, I need to remind myself that I'm her mom first and if I let myself go down that path too far, I take the "mom" out of the equation. So....for all your other d-moms out there, a gentle reminder to not lose the "mommy" in the middle of the fingerpokes and injections. Take a few minutes out of your diabetes routine every now and then to kiss your children and give them a big squeeze!
Off to test Lily one last time before my head can hit the pillow!