On the eve...

Tonight is Lily's last night as a 2-year-old. She turns 3 at exactly 5:46 a.m. Oh, what a year it's been! We had a few good months pre-diabetes and finished off the year with finger-pricks, test strips, needles, injections, insulin vials, logbooks, and her new, pretty pink pump (or her "punk" as she calls it!). Birthdays take on a new meaning and your view of them changes so much when your child has diabetes. You start seeing all those little milestones and moments with insulin-goggles. That birthday cake will raise your child's blood sugar to the moon. The fun and games of the birthday party will cause a low and you'll have to wrestle your child into your lap and hold her still while you force juice into her before she can rejoin the fun of her own birthday party. It sucks sometimes. But....the truth is, we're all grateful to make it to another birthday. Lurking in the back of our minds is the fear that we'll fail at keeping our child safe from her own body. It may not be likely that we'll ever fail to that extent, but we can't rid ourselves of that fear. So, tonight, I'll get myself ready for bed before sneaking into my daughter's room with her meter to test one last time before I doze off until the next finger-prick. And tomorrow, I'll bring out the chocolate cake I baked for my little girl and the load of presents that I couldn't resist picking out for her when I thought about how she'll only be able to have a small piece of that birthday cake and her party fun will be interupted by frequent finger-pokes and insulin dosing. Somewhere in the middle of all the worrying and stress, I'll rejoice that I've brought my little girl to another birthday, happy and as healthy as a life with diabetes allows her to be. When it comes down to it, I wouldn't trade one moment with her!