Monday, September 26, 2011

The Pit, missing snapshots, and the kid hats....

If you're looking for sparkly, glittery, unicorny posts, you're not going to find it here.  Not today anyway.  Apparently the women in the DOC have synced up and we're all experiencing "Shark Week" (thanks to Reyna for the phrase) at the same time.  Unfortunately, that's not the biggest of my problems.  I'm not quite sure where it all started or when.  I'm not sure if it was a gradual slide or a falling off a cliff type of move.  But somehow, I've found myself at the bottom of the pit once again.  You know the one.  The pit where all you want to do is lie down on the couch, curl up with a fuzzy blanket, and forget the world exists.  I hate that pit.  It feels like it's impossible to get out of.  I'm at the bottom of the pit right now and trying to figure out a way to crawl up and out, but so far, I'm not figuring it out.  And there are some complications.  You see, while I'm dealing with my mind- and body-numbing depression, my husband is dealing with his high-drive-anxiety.  His is in full-force right now.  And it's like adding boulders on top of my pit.  I spend my days struggling, churning my way through the cement around my feet, trying to hold my temper and keep a happy face for my kids.  And then my husband comes home, stressed and crabby and short with me.  I feel like he's upset with me for not doing the dishes, not cleaning the house, not getting all the things done that I should be doing.  He gets frustrated with me because I stay up late and he thinks getting more sleep would help.  It might, if I could manage to get it.  But most nights, I lie there and don't get any rest.  I spend all day wanting nothing more than sleep and then all night, I can't sleep.  It drives me nuts.  And when I see him frustrated with me, it knocks the bottom out of my pit and I fall down a few more feet, another boulder on top to weigh me down.  I'm trying my hardest to fight my way out, but I just can't seem to get there.  I force myself to go to the gym and it makes me feel a teensy bit better, but there's just no magic fix for this.  No matter what I do, I'm knocked by down into the bottom of the pit and trying to fight my way out every morning.  My snapshots demonstrate the struggle just a bit:

I'm trying.  But they're not looking as full as I would like them to be.  Just need to keep on going and hope that the pit starts to fill in soon.  In happier news, I have some more hat pictures to share!  I've made a couple of hats for the benefit auction for my nephew, who is battling chronic renal fatigue and will need a kidney transplant soon.  They are super-adorable!  And...if anyone wants one, I can make up some more!  They're fun to make too!

Seriously cute, right?  I'm thinking of adding a couple little tufts to the top of the duck for a feathered look and to add just a bit more of interest.  Reyna, I have a photo for you too!  A quick warning though....the yarn you picked...for some reason, when I photograph it, the pinks always seem to show up as tans!  The parts that are showing up as tan are actually a pale, mossy green and a rose-pink.  If you still want it, let me know!

As for paying and how it's going to work...Etsy has a Custom listing option.  I'm thinking, if people are okay with paying on Etsy (using paypal), I can list the ordered hats as "custom" and you can pay through Etsy.  For those who aren't comfortable with paypal and Etsy, just let me know and we can do the old way, by having you donate through our Step Out website.  Either way works for me.

Confession for the night....I have a serious sweet-tooth!  I blame my mom.  All those years of going trick-or-treating just to have her confiscate my candy as soon as I walked in the know, the more you tell someone they can't have something, the more they want it!  


  1. Oh my! Those kid hats are adorable! I so want one of the duck ones! How can I get one? I use etsy and paypal more than I'd like to admit. I'm a type 1, currently pregnant with my first baby (due in Feb/March), and I'd love to support your cause and give myself something adorable to imagine baby in eventually (instead of fretting non-stop about stupid diabetes and its potential complications). :)

  2. That yarn is FANTASTIC...yep, I still want the hat specified. Let me know where to go and how much to pay Dear Friend.

    AND...on the "pit"... claw, and climb, and scratch your way out of it. I love you. You are amazing...and, again, your raw honesty is humbling. xo

  3. You are such an inspiration to me. Today I was at the gym, telling myself to make it to 1000 cal burned. I made it to 500.

    You are my hero :)