Friday, September 16, 2011

Observations from the gym: What I held back

I have a couple more people-descriptions that I can share with all of you.  I held them back because they're not nearly as flattering and they're a demonstration of just how snarky I can be sometimes.  If they offend you, I'm so sorry!  If you laugh...great!  If you can't laugh at things, you're doomed to be miserable in this life.  So, for your enjoyment, my snarky descriptions of The Matched Pair....

These two people are not married to each other.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that if they met, they wouldn't be anything near compatible!  But, they are the opposite-gender-equivalent to each other!  The first is one of the very first people I noticed at the gym.  She was running on a treadmill at a speed that made her cling to the front for her very life.  She kept on going though and kept hanging on!  That's an admirable thing.  Unfortunately, I immediately dubbed her The Hot Dog Lady.  You know when you go to a gas station and they have one of those things that cook hot dogs, constantly turning them?  Have you ever seen one that's been left on the grill way too long?  That's this woman.  She tans.  Obsessively.  She has long, dark hair, wears a lot of makeup (even when working out), and her skin has the color and texture of an over-cooked hot dog.  She does workout hard though! 

Perhaps it's too unkind to call the second person her male equivalent?  To be honest, I don't think the Hot Dog Lady is quite as far gone as this guy is.  Maybe if she were a perpetual bar fly?  Anyway, when I first saw this guy, the kids and I were outside in the pool and he was greasing up his rounded belly with some Hawaiian Tropics oil.  The first name I thought of to describe him was Lothario.  But that didn't quite encompass the desperation and extreme cheesy-ness of this guy.  I think you'd have to eat an entire bag of Cheetos before you'd even come close to building up this kind of cheese!  So, his name has become Dark Fabio.  Picture this...buzzed hair on the sides above his ears, hair about an inch or two long on the top, and then long, long, long hair all the way down his back.  Heavy gold chains around his neck.  Speedo in many bright colors, not covering nearly enough.  A rounded belly and man-boobs to which he continually applied the oil.  Greased up and that same overcooked-hot-dog texture.  It wasn't pretty.  And never any luck with the ladies.  He did keep a constant watch on the teenage girls at the pool.  It's a bit of a relief that none of them ever returned the interest!

Okay, enough being mean for the night.  It doesn't sit very well with me.  I've been busy working on a bunch of crochet projects and I'm hoping to share them on here soon.  Our Step Out for the Cure event is coming up at the end of October and I'm trying to get an Etsy account set up with a few items in it in order to raise some of our set goal for the event.  I want to do a good job this year!  I'm finishing up a couple of baby afghans for a friend who recently had twins (boy and girl!).  I'm tucking the ends in on a sugar-cane scarf, which would make a great accessory to go with a little black dress.  And I have more ends to tuck in on a cloche hat and fingerless hand-warmers in gorgeous pinks and browns.  Fun, fun stuff! 

1 comment:

  1. Love the description of oiling up the "man-boobs"...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


    I am definitely down with another hat. Do you have a photo-gallery that we can order from? xo