I've been thinking about this post for a while and I'm still not quite sure how to present it. If it rambles a bit, please bear with me!
I have a new perspective on something. It's been slowly developing as I've read all of the different blogs and as I've spent more time with one of my older sisters. I have four older sisters. I could tell you a bit about each of them, but right now, I want to concentrate on D. D is the second oldest. She's the quietest of us and from what I can tell, the most sensitive of us as well. She's the most easily hurt, the quickest to laugh, the quickest to cry, the quickest to help. D was the first of us to be diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. She was the first to marry. She's the smartest of us. I used to think what a waste it was that she didn't complete her college degree. She went off to college, but ended up in 2 car accidents during the same weekend trip home. It's no wonder she didn't return. She stayed home and settled down, got married and had a baby. Her oldest son is 16. She has three more, the oldest is 7 years younger than the first. His younger brother was born 18 months after him. And his youngest brother was 18 months after the third.
Here's where my new perspective comes in....I used to actually feel sorry for my sister! I can't believe now how ignorant and wrong I was to feel sorry for her for having her four boys. Don't get me wrong...they're a handful! They have some serious energy! They're rambunctious and loud and constantly moving and I'm sure they make my sister question her sanity on a regular basis. But here's the thing that I'm starting to realize as I spend more time with her and her boys...each one of those boys sees the sun and moon behind his mother. They each adore her in their own special way. Each one sees something different from what the other three see. Each one feeds a part of my sister's soul that needed to be fed. Each one feeds her confidence in herself and makes her feel loved and adored in very different ways. Remember when I said my sister was sensitive? She NEEDS what those boys give her.
Does that family dynamic remind you of anyone in the DOC? Meri's blog is one of the very first that I found after Lily was diagnosed. I immediately felt a connection to her because of the similarities between her and my sister. I don't know Meri IRL so I don't know if those similarities are mostly superficial, but I do know that they both have these incredible bonds with each one of their boys. And reading about those bonds in Meri's blogs and seeing those bonds while visiting my sister is all part of the new perspective I have. I no longer feel sorry for women with all boys....I've come to the new view that these women are phenomenal! They are so incredibly blessed! And that has led me to the perspective that God gives us exactly what we need! I don't know if Meri deals with the same sensitivity and insecurities that my sister does, but I know that God gave these two women each their four boys for very special and very specific reasons. And that has led me to think about my own children and how God intended for them to be mine....
I don't believe that God chooses how many children we should have or that he chooses who should and shouldn't have children. I don't believe fertility is a gift from God or that disease is a curse from God. But...I do believe that God sent me the specific children that I have and that they are mine for very definite reasons. I don't blame God for Lily being diabetic. Or for my own diabetes. But, I do believe that Lily being diabetic has made me a better person and has enriched my life. I would not be as active and healthy as I now am if Lily hadn't been diagnosed. Lily is an amazing, intelligent, beautiful girl. She's not the gentlest of children and I think that inspires me to show my kindness and consideration for others to a much more pronounced degree so that Lily can see it and witness it and hopefully follow my lead. Lily being diabetic makes me want to take better care of myself and be a better role model for her. And then there's Leo....Leo is definitely my gift from God! I have a problem with affection. I'm very reserved with friends and most of my family. But...I crave physical affection like it's my own personal version of crack! My poor husband! In the 11 years since we met, he's never been able to figure out just how much affection is enough for me. I'm beyond hyper-affectionate with him. And with Lily. And with Leo. I want to hug and kiss and cuddle and snuggle and love them every second of every day. Lily is like her daddy. She wants her space! She'll hug and kiss when she feels like it, but for the most part, she just wants her space. But, she is vocal about her affection. She's quick to tell me that she loves me. Tonight, she told my husband that she's Mommy's Lily, but Daddy's Girl. Oh, I love her! Leo though...he's not into having his own space and he's quick to invade yours! Leo is my little snuggle-bug. In the mornings, he crawls into my lap to sit there while I drink my coffee and check email. If he gets a bump or boo-boo, he needs a "hug-kiss". He wants to be cuddled as he falls asleep at night. In the middle of the night, he snuggles into me and sleeps soundly most of the time. He won't go for more than an couple of hours without a hug and a kiss from mom. He feeds my soul! He makes me laugh and giggle and he curls up into me and my heart just bursts with the joy of it! God has definitely blessed me with the two children that I was meant to have, the two children who feed the parts of me that need fed!
So....a huge "Thank you" to both my amazing sister and to the wonderful Meri for sharing their families with us and for helping to bring me to my new perspective! Did I have a point in sharing this with you? Not especially. I don't think I had one when I started writing. But, I would like to think that maybe this will inspire each of you to give your children a good look. Whether you believe in God or not, look at each of your babies and ask yourself....why is this child mine and what part of me does he or she feed? You just might be amazed by the answers!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Apidra: Take it or leave it?
Finally, a post about something that actually relates to diabetes! It's been quite a while since I wrote one. So, here's the deal...a few weeks ago, I visited with a diabetes educator about switching over to Apidra from Humalog. From what I've heard and understood, it's thought that Apidra has less of a peak and not as much of a kick on the tail-end. Really, I haven't had any problems with Humalog, except that I occasionally forget to bolus before eating. Apidra supposedly takes less time to work into your system too, which is why I was interested in it. So, for the last few weeks, I've been pumping Apidra. To be honest, I haven't noticed much difference. I have noticed that my blood sugars start coming down within 15 minutes of bolusing, but other than that....well, I could take it or leave it. I don't feel strongly about it either way and since the Apidra is $30 more per month than Humalog, I'll be switching back.
Now, for the flip-side. A couple weeks ago, we had Lily's appointment with her endocrinologist. We've had some issues with Lily's blood sugars for quite some time. She hits that Humalog-peak and comes crashing down. She plummets. At night, we can't give her the full correction that her pump tells us to give. During the day, if it's been about an hour since her last bolus and she starts weeping and crying and throwing incomprehensible tantrums, it's time to check a bg again and shove some sugar in her. It can be pretty frustrating. Combine that with the fact that we still can't bolus for her entire meal before she eats because she's not always consistent (we do about 80% pre-meal and 20% post-meal), and we've got an A1C at 8.8. I'm not too terribly unhappy with that or incredibly concerned. Her endocrinologist says anything under 9.0 at her age is considered A+. But, there's definitely some tweaking that can be done. So, we adjusted a few basal numbers, adjusted her morning carb ratio and left the office with a bottle of Apidra to try out on Lily. For Lily, the Apidra has been MAGIC! Seriously, her numbers have been fantastic! She's been running in the 100s most of the days since, with an occasional spike if she's had a low (rebound) or if we've messed up a carb count. But it's been fantastic. She hasn't had those plummetting death-spirals an hour or so after a bolus. She doesn't have the huge drop-off at the end of the active time. The IOB has been a whole lot more spot-on lately. Now, take all of that with a grain of salt since there are times when Lily just seems to go perfectly and other times when it's a constant struggle. Maybe it's the Apidra or maybe we're just in the midst of one of our everything's-going-right stages. Heck, it could have something to do with the phases of the moon, the chirping of the birds, or the buzzing of the June-bugs for all I know! But for Lily, we are definitely keeping the Apidra!
Funny how you can have two very different perspectives on the very same substance, isn't it? For me, Apidra was a "meh". For Lily, it's an "oh my goodness, I'm in love!"
Before I head off to bed to snuggle with my little beastie-boy (yes, he's still sleeping in our bed and I'm okay with that!), I thought I'd share a few new things with the kids....Leo has his very first major crush. He's been watching Reyna's V-logs with me and as soon as her speaking parts are over, he asks for me. I think he just might be as in love with her as the DOC is! He's also developed a few new sayings...."Leo, want a nap?" His response: "NO, I CAN'T DO IT!" "Leo, are you ticklish?" As he writhes and twists while I tickle him: "No, I not ticklish." Oh, I love him! And just so I don't leave Lily out at all....whenever we're out in public, we hear quite often from strangers that Lily looks just like a Precious Moments doll. I caught this picture of her the other day and wow, does it illustrate that point!
Now, for the flip-side. A couple weeks ago, we had Lily's appointment with her endocrinologist. We've had some issues with Lily's blood sugars for quite some time. She hits that Humalog-peak and comes crashing down. She plummets. At night, we can't give her the full correction that her pump tells us to give. During the day, if it's been about an hour since her last bolus and she starts weeping and crying and throwing incomprehensible tantrums, it's time to check a bg again and shove some sugar in her. It can be pretty frustrating. Combine that with the fact that we still can't bolus for her entire meal before she eats because she's not always consistent (we do about 80% pre-meal and 20% post-meal), and we've got an A1C at 8.8. I'm not too terribly unhappy with that or incredibly concerned. Her endocrinologist says anything under 9.0 at her age is considered A+. But, there's definitely some tweaking that can be done. So, we adjusted a few basal numbers, adjusted her morning carb ratio and left the office with a bottle of Apidra to try out on Lily. For Lily, the Apidra has been MAGIC! Seriously, her numbers have been fantastic! She's been running in the 100s most of the days since, with an occasional spike if she's had a low (rebound) or if we've messed up a carb count. But it's been fantastic. She hasn't had those plummetting death-spirals an hour or so after a bolus. She doesn't have the huge drop-off at the end of the active time. The IOB has been a whole lot more spot-on lately. Now, take all of that with a grain of salt since there are times when Lily just seems to go perfectly and other times when it's a constant struggle. Maybe it's the Apidra or maybe we're just in the midst of one of our everything's-going-right stages. Heck, it could have something to do with the phases of the moon, the chirping of the birds, or the buzzing of the June-bugs for all I know! But for Lily, we are definitely keeping the Apidra!
Funny how you can have two very different perspectives on the very same substance, isn't it? For me, Apidra was a "meh". For Lily, it's an "oh my goodness, I'm in love!"
Before I head off to bed to snuggle with my little beastie-boy (yes, he's still sleeping in our bed and I'm okay with that!), I thought I'd share a few new things with the kids....Leo has his very first major crush. He's been watching Reyna's V-logs with me and as soon as her speaking parts are over, he asks for me. I think he just might be as in love with her as the DOC is! He's also developed a few new sayings...."Leo, want a nap?" His response: "NO, I CAN'T DO IT!" "Leo, are you ticklish?" As he writhes and twists while I tickle him: "No, I not ticklish." Oh, I love him! And just so I don't leave Lily out at all....whenever we're out in public, we hear quite often from strangers that Lily looks just like a Precious Moments doll. I caught this picture of her the other day and wow, does it illustrate that point!
Man, do I ever love that little face of hers! I don't know how I got so lucky to have the two amazing kids that I do, but am I ever grateful for them!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
SNEAK PEAK!!!!!
So, being the incredibly silly, no-common-sense kind of person that I am, I neglected to think about the time frame of sending some things off. I sent Tara, Reyna's incredibly awesome, unbelievably amazing (although I question her sanity for running as much as she does and actually enjoying it!) sister, a message on Facebook agreeing to donate a few crocheted items for the fantastic virtual 5K that she's put together. If you haven't registered yet, click HERE and go do it! It's only $10 and all you have to do is run, walk, bike, hobble, crawl, skip, whatever-method-you-please, a 5K (or 3.1 miles-it's not that far!) sometime during June 24-27. Really, it's not that hard to do. Even the most unfit of people can manage to walk that far once! And it's for a great cause! Make a family outting of it! And there are some incredible prizes Tara already has listed on her blog, Mommy's a Runner. And since I still need to get my items off to her, here's a sneak peak of them:
A gorgeous, bamboo-blend scarf and three bambool (bamboo-wool) hats. All incredibly soft and comfortable. And, a little tidbit....there's one more item I'm sending along that I won't post a picture of because it's GORGEOUS and would put even these items to shame! So, if you haven't registered yet...what are you waiting for?
A gorgeous, bamboo-blend scarf and three bambool (bamboo-wool) hats. All incredibly soft and comfortable. And, a little tidbit....there's one more item I'm sending along that I won't post a picture of because it's GORGEOUS and would put even these items to shame! So, if you haven't registered yet...what are you waiting for?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
New discoveries
In my last post, I failed to mention something incredibly important to my motivation for the gym. I didn't mention it because I wasn't yet aware of it. Apparently, my desire to exercise is directly tied to my ability to tune in to my iPod and drown out all other sounds. Something I didn't know! You see, just after my last attempt at running, my iPod went black. I mean dead-there-is-no-hope black. I was crushed. I've gone back to the gym a couple of times without it and it's just not the same. My motivation isn't there. I seriously dislike hearing the sounds of the gym. The grunts of men looking for attention. The clacking of the weight machines. The squeaking of the ellipticals. The incredibly annoying conversations of the teen girls and Somalian women who come to the gym to socialize more than exercise. I like watching people, but I want to do it to my own soundtrack! And did you know how expensive those new iPods are? Unfortunately, they're just not in our budget. To replace the one I have with something similar, it'd be at least $200! So, no new iPod. But...I think I've found another solution! I got a new phone a few weeks back. I caved and got a smart phone, but was cheap and went with the $0 option. A nice, new Samsung Captivate Android phone. Best part about the new solution...the cost for me is absolutely nothing! There's a free app called mSpot. You sign up for a free account at www.mSpot.com, download the uploader program and it uploads all of your music from iTunes. It'll store up to 500 songs for you for free! Fantastically awesome! I like free!
Meditation....another new discovery: meditation is HARD!!! Seriously, those of you who're attempting it; have you found it incredibly difficult to turn your brain off and stop thinking about what needs to be done when you're finished? It's awful! There's only one way of meditating that I've actually been able to accomplish. I have to turn off the lights and any technology about 15 minutes before I do it. I sit in a dark, quiet room. Everyone else in the house has to be asleep before I can manage it! And as I sit there, I start at the top of my head and focus on relaxing every. single. part. of. my. body. One at a time. My brain. My eyes. My ears. My neck. My shoulders. My arms. My elbows. Lower arms, hands, chest, stomach, hips, butt, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet. Seriously, I have to go through each and every part, one at a time, telling them all to relax. Once I've done that, I can actually manage to just sit there and breathe for 10 minutes or so. Who knew meditation would be so much work? Hopefully, everyone else is doing much better at it than I am!
I've been thinking about some things lately. Mostly, about how I ended up exactly where I am and the condition that I'm in. I want to share some things with all of you. I think I need to get them out and for those of you who actually read my odd ramblings (I was drifting off on an Ambien cloud during the last post!), it may give you some interesting insight into who I am and how I came to be. Twenty years ago, I was a 14-year-old girl. 5'4" and less than 100 lbs. Naturally. I didn't have an eating disorder. I ate plenty. I spent a lot of my days bikeriding because it kept me out of the house, away from the turmoil. I had an older sister who'd left with her infant son after my mom had slapped her for swearing at me. I had a mom and soon-to-be-ex-stepfather. My mom's new boyfriend was around all the time and gave me the creeps. I had another older sister with an infant daughter and soon to have a second daughter, at the ripe old age of 17. It wasn't the best of situations. If you've been reading my blog, you've already seen this picture:
I'm the one on the end. I was 15 in that picture and had actually put on a few pounds already. You see, I've figured out what the problem was back then: I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I was tiny. I was thin. I was incredibly shy. Painfully shy doesn't even begin to describe it! If the teacher called my name, I clammed up and turned bright red and wouldn't utter a word. I was paralyzed with shyness. So, that summer when I was 14, I went on a trip with the sister next to me in the picture. The one who had a little girl and was about to have her second. My sister, C, was 17. She'd met her boyfriend, aka baby-daddy, when she was 14. He was 18. I went with her to the Twin Cities to visit her boyfriend and to bring her little girl to visit her boyfriend's mom. It was the Fourth of July weekend and I remember going along to the fireworks with them, holding my niece as she cried at the booming, and over-hearing friends of my sister's boyfriend tell her that her little sister was going to be a heartbreaker when she grew up. It was mortifying and tremendously frightening to me at that age to have 21-year-old men talking about my looks. Fast-forward to the school year. My locker was right outside the Shop classroom. I always left my last class before lunch a little bit early so I could go and test my bg. And then I'd stop by my locker to grab what I needed for my next class. And the boys hanging out of the door to the shop classroom, waiting for the bell, would make catcalls and comments. A few weeks into the school year, I was asked out on a date by a senior. He was 18. I was 14. Remind you of anyone? But, I thought he was a really sweet guy. I said yes. For our first (and only) date, he took me to rent movies and we went out to his parents' cabin with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend. The other couple disappeared into a bedroom. My date wanted me to sit on his lap and watch movies for a bit. He gave me my first kiss. I went to the bathroom and washed my mouth out with water afterward. Hehe...kind of funny to look back on, but wow, those were some painful moments! I broke up with him via note just after that date.
It's kind of ironic...all of that sounds a bit like a teenage girl's dream...the attention, the boys liking you. For me, it was horrifying. I was incredibly shy. But more than that, I wasn't comfortable around men or boys. I'm not comfortable with their attention. I don't like it. Those of you who've read what I've had to say about my father might have some idea why I've never been comfortable around men. It's nothing to do with them so much as just not something that I want. And that new realization has led me to another one....I've never been happier than I am right now! I think my aversion to male attention has been a big part of why I'm not focusing so much on being thin or losing weight. It's not that I want to make my body look better. That's definitely something that's happening anyway. But the truth is, I never want to lose enough weight to attract male attention as much as I did back then. I don't want it. All I want, really, is to be healthy. To be active, to run after my children, to have the energy and stamina to keep up with them. To be able to keep going and never have to take a break for a breath because I feel like I'm going to die. If that means I slim down a bit, great. But that's not my focus and it's never going to be my focus. My focus, my only focus, is my family, my husband, my children. All I'm doing is for them, so they'll have a good example, a mom and a wife to be proud of. As long as my husband continues to feel desire for me, as long as my kids can look at me with respect and admiration, then I'll be happy with how I am, with how I look. Their attention is the only attention I want or need.
Meditation....another new discovery: meditation is HARD!!! Seriously, those of you who're attempting it; have you found it incredibly difficult to turn your brain off and stop thinking about what needs to be done when you're finished? It's awful! There's only one way of meditating that I've actually been able to accomplish. I have to turn off the lights and any technology about 15 minutes before I do it. I sit in a dark, quiet room. Everyone else in the house has to be asleep before I can manage it! And as I sit there, I start at the top of my head and focus on relaxing every. single. part. of. my. body. One at a time. My brain. My eyes. My ears. My neck. My shoulders. My arms. My elbows. Lower arms, hands, chest, stomach, hips, butt, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet. Seriously, I have to go through each and every part, one at a time, telling them all to relax. Once I've done that, I can actually manage to just sit there and breathe for 10 minutes or so. Who knew meditation would be so much work? Hopefully, everyone else is doing much better at it than I am!
I've been thinking about some things lately. Mostly, about how I ended up exactly where I am and the condition that I'm in. I want to share some things with all of you. I think I need to get them out and for those of you who actually read my odd ramblings (I was drifting off on an Ambien cloud during the last post!), it may give you some interesting insight into who I am and how I came to be. Twenty years ago, I was a 14-year-old girl. 5'4" and less than 100 lbs. Naturally. I didn't have an eating disorder. I ate plenty. I spent a lot of my days bikeriding because it kept me out of the house, away from the turmoil. I had an older sister who'd left with her infant son after my mom had slapped her for swearing at me. I had a mom and soon-to-be-ex-stepfather. My mom's new boyfriend was around all the time and gave me the creeps. I had another older sister with an infant daughter and soon to have a second daughter, at the ripe old age of 17. It wasn't the best of situations. If you've been reading my blog, you've already seen this picture:
I'm the one on the end. I was 15 in that picture and had actually put on a few pounds already. You see, I've figured out what the problem was back then: I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I was tiny. I was thin. I was incredibly shy. Painfully shy doesn't even begin to describe it! If the teacher called my name, I clammed up and turned bright red and wouldn't utter a word. I was paralyzed with shyness. So, that summer when I was 14, I went on a trip with the sister next to me in the picture. The one who had a little girl and was about to have her second. My sister, C, was 17. She'd met her boyfriend, aka baby-daddy, when she was 14. He was 18. I went with her to the Twin Cities to visit her boyfriend and to bring her little girl to visit her boyfriend's mom. It was the Fourth of July weekend and I remember going along to the fireworks with them, holding my niece as she cried at the booming, and over-hearing friends of my sister's boyfriend tell her that her little sister was going to be a heartbreaker when she grew up. It was mortifying and tremendously frightening to me at that age to have 21-year-old men talking about my looks. Fast-forward to the school year. My locker was right outside the Shop classroom. I always left my last class before lunch a little bit early so I could go and test my bg. And then I'd stop by my locker to grab what I needed for my next class. And the boys hanging out of the door to the shop classroom, waiting for the bell, would make catcalls and comments. A few weeks into the school year, I was asked out on a date by a senior. He was 18. I was 14. Remind you of anyone? But, I thought he was a really sweet guy. I said yes. For our first (and only) date, he took me to rent movies and we went out to his parents' cabin with his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend. The other couple disappeared into a bedroom. My date wanted me to sit on his lap and watch movies for a bit. He gave me my first kiss. I went to the bathroom and washed my mouth out with water afterward. Hehe...kind of funny to look back on, but wow, those were some painful moments! I broke up with him via note just after that date.
It's kind of ironic...all of that sounds a bit like a teenage girl's dream...the attention, the boys liking you. For me, it was horrifying. I was incredibly shy. But more than that, I wasn't comfortable around men or boys. I'm not comfortable with their attention. I don't like it. Those of you who've read what I've had to say about my father might have some idea why I've never been comfortable around men. It's nothing to do with them so much as just not something that I want. And that new realization has led me to another one....I've never been happier than I am right now! I think my aversion to male attention has been a big part of why I'm not focusing so much on being thin or losing weight. It's not that I want to make my body look better. That's definitely something that's happening anyway. But the truth is, I never want to lose enough weight to attract male attention as much as I did back then. I don't want it. All I want, really, is to be healthy. To be active, to run after my children, to have the energy and stamina to keep up with them. To be able to keep going and never have to take a break for a breath because I feel like I'm going to die. If that means I slim down a bit, great. But that's not my focus and it's never going to be my focus. My focus, my only focus, is my family, my husband, my children. All I'm doing is for them, so they'll have a good example, a mom and a wife to be proud of. As long as my husband continues to feel desire for me, as long as my kids can look at me with respect and admiration, then I'll be happy with how I am, with how I look. Their attention is the only attention I want or need.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Channelling Chumbawumba....
A couple weeks ago, Lily got hit with a stomach bug. She woke up four or five times in the night and vomitted all over her bed. I got no sleep that night and ended up just sleeping in her bed with her. Less distance to go to switch out pukey pillows and covers, right? A few nights later, Leo was the one waking up all through the night and puking all over the bed. Just so happens the bed he was puking on was ours. Ick! And then, I think I got a modified version of it: no appetite, no energy, the thought of eating induced gagging. I'm not quite sure that I'm "over it" yet. My husband was the least to fall and he just fell this week. He tries his hardest to avoid it, but it always catches him in the end! In the midst of the lovely, puking-all-night sickness, we also had my Father-In-Law here nearly every morning, helping us out with our bathroom remodeling project. I'm incredibly grateful for his help, but man, it would have been nice to have a day or two to recover from all the pukeys! And having our regular activities disrupted really isn't putting me in the best of moods!
So, confession here.....I fell off the wagon! After that attempt at running, my knees are in pain! I went to use the torso rotation machine today and immediately jumped back off. It was either that, or do my "screaming banshee" impersonation. Kneeling on those pads did absolutely nothing good for my knees! All in all, I think there was about a 10-day stretch of no visits to the gym. I feel so guilty! I think I may have been over-training just slightly and the break was probably good for my body. But...now I need to find my movitation and get back to it! You wouldn't believe how quickly all those good benefits of the gym disappeared. In 10 days, I went from being proud of my body and what it could do to focusing on my gut, my blubberiness, the chunk still left around my face, the jiggle in my thighs. It really didn't take long for me to feel like I was falling back, that I was struggling again. I hate those feelings! So, today, I forced myself back to the gym. I did my strength training and a good 30 minutes of cardio. Tomorrow, we're off to the dentist and then another gym. Just gotta keep going! We all get knocked down every now and then. The trick it to pick yourself back up and keep on going!
So, confession here.....I fell off the wagon! After that attempt at running, my knees are in pain! I went to use the torso rotation machine today and immediately jumped back off. It was either that, or do my "screaming banshee" impersonation. Kneeling on those pads did absolutely nothing good for my knees! All in all, I think there was about a 10-day stretch of no visits to the gym. I feel so guilty! I think I may have been over-training just slightly and the break was probably good for my body. But...now I need to find my movitation and get back to it! You wouldn't believe how quickly all those good benefits of the gym disappeared. In 10 days, I went from being proud of my body and what it could do to focusing on my gut, my blubberiness, the chunk still left around my face, the jiggle in my thighs. It really didn't take long for me to feel like I was falling back, that I was struggling again. I hate those feelings! So, today, I forced myself back to the gym. I did my strength training and a good 30 minutes of cardio. Tomorrow, we're off to the dentist and then another gym. Just gotta keep going! We all get knocked down every now and then. The trick it to pick yourself back up and keep on going!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Running: FAIL
Uhhhhh-ahhhhh....big, unhappy sigh. Running has been put on hold. I was doing great. I was increasing the total amount of running, the distance, and the length of each running segment. And then....my knees reminded me that I'm not young and I'm no light-weight right now. In fact, my knees have been in pain ever since. I'm popping Ibuprofen like it's skittles. Not good. I'm hobbling up and down the stairs. Even worse. And I've had to take a week off of exercising. Really, really, really bad! You know what though? I'm not giving up and I think my body needed the break. Badly needed the break. And the break gave me time to assess how I'm doing in a number of ways and think deeply about how I want to go forward. I've come to a few decisions about things...
Exercise:
Okay, I'm moving forward. I'm going to try to include running in my exercise occassionally, but I'm not going to concentrate so much on just conquering running. In my attempt to conquer running, I set aside a lot of my other training activities. Luckily, it only took me two weeks to figure out what an awful move that was. So, tomorrow, I head back to the strength-training and high-intensity cardio. I'm going to go back to beefing up my muscles and giving my heart a good, healthy workout. If I have enough energy left after all that, I might try to run a mile. But I'm going to try hard to not let myself feel bad if I don't get the run in. On the other days, I'm going to do a lower-intensity workout on the elliptical. I'm not leaving the running behind completely, but I'm going to set my determination for it aside for a little bit. Don't get me wrong though....eventually, in time, I WILL make running "my bitch". And that's a promise!
Anatomy:
I got a referall from my regular doctor. I'm lucky enough to have a general practice doctor who is phenomenal! She listens to me and actually takes me seriously, which seems to be a rare thing from what I can tell. She's referred me to a doctor who specializes in the female urinary tract, etc. I took her first available appointment and now, will just have to wait until mid-July to get further in my quest for answers and a solution to the whole "leaking" thing. I'm moving forward though, and that's a great feeling!
Mental and Physical Health:
This is the tough one and it goes back to that wonderful general practice doctor of mine. I've been insisting for years that I have an underactive thyroid. I have a lot of the symptoms. I'm tired. All. The. Time! I have no energy. No matter how much sleep I get, I'm still tired. I don't sleep well. It's like a snowball that just keeps rolling, gathering speed and adding in more problems as it goes. I keep bugging my doctor about the thyroid thing, just hoping and seeking an answer. Well, I finally have one. And, fortunately, it doesn't require any new pills and treatments. In fact, there's one quick and easy fix for it. And I'm bringing all of it up here because, chances are, if you're reading my blog, you probably deal with this very same problem! Adrenal fatigue is the official name of it. Here's the deal....stress wakes up a portion of your brain that then releases cortisol and other stress hormones. If you stay in a stressed state for too long, that stress part of the brain never goes back to sleep. It stays active and keeps on sending out those hormones. According to my doctor, studies have shown that individuals with chronic illness have a higher rate of developing adrenal fatigue. It's no wonder, right? Especially if it's your little child who has the chronic illness. So, the question becomes, how do we get that part of our brain to turn off? Well, it's very, very simple. Meditation. Twenty minutes of sitting in a comfortable position and concentrating on your breath. Incredible! Really, that's all you have to do to regain your energy and lead a more normal life! Isn't that amazing? So, for the next few weeks, I'm going to practice meditation and see if it'll help bring me back to normal!
Alright, off to do that meditation before I head to bed for the night. But before I go.....have you registered yet?
Virtual 5K: Race to Cure Diabetes
Exercise:
Okay, I'm moving forward. I'm going to try to include running in my exercise occassionally, but I'm not going to concentrate so much on just conquering running. In my attempt to conquer running, I set aside a lot of my other training activities. Luckily, it only took me two weeks to figure out what an awful move that was. So, tomorrow, I head back to the strength-training and high-intensity cardio. I'm going to go back to beefing up my muscles and giving my heart a good, healthy workout. If I have enough energy left after all that, I might try to run a mile. But I'm going to try hard to not let myself feel bad if I don't get the run in. On the other days, I'm going to do a lower-intensity workout on the elliptical. I'm not leaving the running behind completely, but I'm going to set my determination for it aside for a little bit. Don't get me wrong though....eventually, in time, I WILL make running "my bitch". And that's a promise!
Anatomy:
I got a referall from my regular doctor. I'm lucky enough to have a general practice doctor who is phenomenal! She listens to me and actually takes me seriously, which seems to be a rare thing from what I can tell. She's referred me to a doctor who specializes in the female urinary tract, etc. I took her first available appointment and now, will just have to wait until mid-July to get further in my quest for answers and a solution to the whole "leaking" thing. I'm moving forward though, and that's a great feeling!
Mental and Physical Health:
This is the tough one and it goes back to that wonderful general practice doctor of mine. I've been insisting for years that I have an underactive thyroid. I have a lot of the symptoms. I'm tired. All. The. Time! I have no energy. No matter how much sleep I get, I'm still tired. I don't sleep well. It's like a snowball that just keeps rolling, gathering speed and adding in more problems as it goes. I keep bugging my doctor about the thyroid thing, just hoping and seeking an answer. Well, I finally have one. And, fortunately, it doesn't require any new pills and treatments. In fact, there's one quick and easy fix for it. And I'm bringing all of it up here because, chances are, if you're reading my blog, you probably deal with this very same problem! Adrenal fatigue is the official name of it. Here's the deal....stress wakes up a portion of your brain that then releases cortisol and other stress hormones. If you stay in a stressed state for too long, that stress part of the brain never goes back to sleep. It stays active and keeps on sending out those hormones. According to my doctor, studies have shown that individuals with chronic illness have a higher rate of developing adrenal fatigue. It's no wonder, right? Especially if it's your little child who has the chronic illness. So, the question becomes, how do we get that part of our brain to turn off? Well, it's very, very simple. Meditation. Twenty minutes of sitting in a comfortable position and concentrating on your breath. Incredible! Really, that's all you have to do to regain your energy and lead a more normal life! Isn't that amazing? So, for the next few weeks, I'm going to practice meditation and see if it'll help bring me back to normal!
Alright, off to do that meditation before I head to bed for the night. But before I go.....have you registered yet?
Virtual 5K: Race to Cure Diabetes
Friday, June 3, 2011
Putting on armor
What in the world was I thinking? A few months ago, when it was still cold and snowy here in Minnesota, I told my husband I wanted to start the Couch to 5K program and that I thought with all the work I'd been doing, it wouldn't be all that hard. OH. MY. GOSH! Running is entirely different from what I have been doing. It is a very special kind of torture and my body is screaming at me right now for putting it through it! From reading that, I'm sure you can guess that I overcame the "fear of the jiggle". On Monday, I ran a single mile at the gym, around the track. The track is nice and squishy and it takes 10 laps around it to equal one mile. I ran for two laps and then walked every third lap until I made it for an entire mile. I took Tuesday off to recover, but managed to drag the kids around in the bike trailer for half an hour. My muscles were screaming! My legs were stiff and sore. Wednesday, I ran for a mile and a half, still running two laps and walking the third. Thursday, I rested completely. Today, I ran 1.8 miles...18 laps. I ran for three laps and walked the fourth. I made it to the 16th lap and started walking around. At the end of it, I thought...you know, I don't feel that badly just yet...maybe I should try a few more laps. So, off I went. When I'm running, I have to keep reminding myself to keep my shoulders back. I get tired. My legs get sluggish. The more tired I get, the more I start to hunch over as I run. Gotta stop that! Anyway, I made it to the end of the 18th lap and was about ready to die. So, off to the locker room I went. I changed into a swimsuit, picked the kids up from the child care center, and off to the outside pool we went. We all got a bit pink after spending an hour and a half out there, but nothing too tremendously horrible. Very grateful for sunblock. Seriously, our pale, pasty white skin does not take sun well!
Okay....armor....remember that silly fear I had of the jiggle? That's nothing compared to what I should have been fearing! I know many people who've read my blog have commented on my honesty. This one is going to be brutal. If I weren't already pink, I'd be blushing in embarrassment. Running has a very unfortunate side-effect for me....I leak when I run. It's awful. It's embarrasing. But I refuse to let it stop my from conquering running. I'm determined to keep going and keep running. Wednesday, I had a brief desire to flee. I ran the first lap and then took off for the locker room. I changed panty liners quick and then made the decision to go back and finish what I'd started. I actually did more than the mile and a half if you count that first lap! So, my armor...I'm a 34-year-old woman who has to wear Poise pads in order to run. But I'm still going to run. And the running has given me the motivation to pursue something else...I have an appointment with my doctor for next week to discuss referring me on to a specialist who can perform urethral bulking. From what I've been able to determine, it's a common problem for diabetics that the urethral opening wears out and won't close completely. Having a baby and getting epidurals (and catheters) probably hasn't helped that any. Hopefully this will be the answer to the problem and I can have things fixed up so I can stop being embarrassed!
Armor has taken on another meaning too...I'm putting on my "parent-pancreating" armor. Lily had her Kindergarten Readiness screening this week. She passed, with flying colors. She even accomplished some things that they wouldn't have asked of her a few weeks ago, but do now because she's turned 4. During her screening, I had the opportunity to talk to some of the staff about what kind of accommodations the school we're districted in would have. You see, there's a very convenient elementary school just a couple of blocks down the road from our home. Unfortunately, that convenient school only offers all-day, everyday kindergarten. Have I mentioned that I am strongly and completely opposed to all-day, everyday kindergarten? Add to that the fact that the school does not have a full-time nurse, but shares the nurse with the other schools....BIG. FAT. NO. I do not want my child attending this school! So, I'm putting on my armor and I'm looking into open-enrollment in another district. There's one just a couple miles north of us that offers half-day kindergarten. It may not be as convenient as being within walking distance of the school, but it's a great school district with a good reputation. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping she'll be accepted into their district without any problems!
One last thing before I turn in for the night....have you registered yet? The amazingly incredibly, lovable-inspite-of-our-jealousy-of-her-hotness Reyna and her super-awesome, ultra-marthoner sister, Tara, have put together the best 5K idea ever! Seriously, this is awesome! If I understand this right, it is not confined to just people in the U.S. It's open to anyone, anywhere in the world. A virtual 5K. The gist of it is that you pay $10 (100% goes to JDRF and is completely tax-deductible) and then walk/run a 5K during a 3-day window. Whenever it fits into your schedule during those three days. And honestly, you don't have to run! It's not a competition so much as an accomplishment for us all. Walk the 5K, if that's what suits you best. It's not so hard to do! And Tara's gotten some great prizes lined up. All you have to do is walk or run the 5K, post your time, and you're entered into the raffle for the prizes! How cool is all that? Come on, what are you waiting for?
Virtual 5K for JDRF
Okay....armor....remember that silly fear I had of the jiggle? That's nothing compared to what I should have been fearing! I know many people who've read my blog have commented on my honesty. This one is going to be brutal. If I weren't already pink, I'd be blushing in embarrassment. Running has a very unfortunate side-effect for me....I leak when I run. It's awful. It's embarrasing. But I refuse to let it stop my from conquering running. I'm determined to keep going and keep running. Wednesday, I had a brief desire to flee. I ran the first lap and then took off for the locker room. I changed panty liners quick and then made the decision to go back and finish what I'd started. I actually did more than the mile and a half if you count that first lap! So, my armor...I'm a 34-year-old woman who has to wear Poise pads in order to run. But I'm still going to run. And the running has given me the motivation to pursue something else...I have an appointment with my doctor for next week to discuss referring me on to a specialist who can perform urethral bulking. From what I've been able to determine, it's a common problem for diabetics that the urethral opening wears out and won't close completely. Having a baby and getting epidurals (and catheters) probably hasn't helped that any. Hopefully this will be the answer to the problem and I can have things fixed up so I can stop being embarrassed!
Armor has taken on another meaning too...I'm putting on my "parent-pancreating" armor. Lily had her Kindergarten Readiness screening this week. She passed, with flying colors. She even accomplished some things that they wouldn't have asked of her a few weeks ago, but do now because she's turned 4. During her screening, I had the opportunity to talk to some of the staff about what kind of accommodations the school we're districted in would have. You see, there's a very convenient elementary school just a couple of blocks down the road from our home. Unfortunately, that convenient school only offers all-day, everyday kindergarten. Have I mentioned that I am strongly and completely opposed to all-day, everyday kindergarten? Add to that the fact that the school does not have a full-time nurse, but shares the nurse with the other schools....BIG. FAT. NO. I do not want my child attending this school! So, I'm putting on my armor and I'm looking into open-enrollment in another district. There's one just a couple miles north of us that offers half-day kindergarten. It may not be as convenient as being within walking distance of the school, but it's a great school district with a good reputation. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping she'll be accepted into their district without any problems!
One last thing before I turn in for the night....have you registered yet? The amazingly incredibly, lovable-inspite-of-our-jealousy-of-her-hotness Reyna and her super-awesome, ultra-marthoner sister, Tara, have put together the best 5K idea ever! Seriously, this is awesome! If I understand this right, it is not confined to just people in the U.S. It's open to anyone, anywhere in the world. A virtual 5K. The gist of it is that you pay $10 (100% goes to JDRF and is completely tax-deductible) and then walk/run a 5K during a 3-day window. Whenever it fits into your schedule during those three days. And honestly, you don't have to run! It's not a competition so much as an accomplishment for us all. Walk the 5K, if that's what suits you best. It's not so hard to do! And Tara's gotten some great prizes lined up. All you have to do is walk or run the 5K, post your time, and you're entered into the raffle for the prizes! How cool is all that? Come on, what are you waiting for?
Virtual 5K for JDRF
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